Well, the title isn’t quite the perfect fit for this posting but, I did venture out to Blaise Castle this afternoon in an attempt to try and rid myself of some of the emotion I’ve been feeling over the whole ‘May’ situation this week. As you may remember, it was the very first ‘adventure’ I went on, back in August. I already had the majority of photos I needed and only really went back with the intention of capturing the two caves I was unable to snap before. Also, it is a place that I associate with my memory of and feelings for May. When we first met online, we talked about going here together. It never happened and, I did feel a bit ‘guilty’ going there alone. It’s one of a few places that will always remind me of her… Some may say that it’s best to avoid those kind of situations. However, I’m trying to be strong. If we end up avoiding things, we end up living in fear and, I can honestly say that I’ve spent enough of my life living in fear.
On a lighter note, I did eventually make it out of the house today and back up to Leigh Woods, where I was only a few weeks ago. It took me a while to get going but I started with a shower, which did help. I still haven’t yet changed my bed sheets and I still want to trim my hair a bit but, I will do that soon. I couldn’t leave as soon as I wanted to because my mum’s friend had arrived to trim the hedge at the front of the house. There was room for me to escape but, as friendly as he is, I just couldn’t face having to interact with him or anyone else. So, I hid away and waited until he’d finished clearing up and drove off.
Last time I was at these woods, my camera’s battery died after two-hours of wandering. This time, I was prepared! Not only was it (almost) fully charged but, I’d also bought a spare! The 16GB SD card I bought at the same time seems to be lasting well – I’ve used it on three days now and yet, I still have around 1,600 photos left to take!
One journey I was hoping to make last time was up to the Clifton Suspension Bridge and, as you’ll see from the photos, I made it this time.
It’s fair to say that I’ve enjoyed another good few hours out of the house today. People weren’t sure what to make of the forecast for the weekend and the next two days are meant to be a total wash out. Thankfully, the sun was out this morning and it hasn’t stopped shining all day. I was a little indecisive about where I was going to go today and a window of opportunity opened to meet up with a close friend last night, before it sadly blew shut again this morning. It’s okay though, we’ll see each other again soon and we’ll keep on sharing in the mean time.
I was contemplating a walk across the Mendip Hills (which I might actually do next week) but, I decided to face a potential fear and visit Cheddar Gorge, instead. You’ve probably heard of it (or, the cheese, at least). However, my biggest fear was not of the heights, sidling along cliff edges or even, having to step out in to the real world; I work with a guy from Cheddar who nobody likes. He can be pretty obnoxious at times and I had this bizarre fear that I might bump in to him. Actually, I think I did see him on the way back to my car but, I can’t be certain and it’s definitely not worth worrying about. 🙂
There really aren’t any one-word answers to these questions… I can think of several goals, targets and even dreams that I would like to achieve within my life time (currently twenty-seven). It would be too easy to list them here or, to focus on one of that may not mean significantly more than another. So, I’m going to focus on one that I discreetly fear I could fail to achieve.
Day 5 – Something I Hope to Do in My Life
It had been so long
Eighteen-years and counting
But the journey to reach you
Felt like climbing a mountain
I was afraid.
So long, I had waited
But, setting off from the car park
My breath was already baited!
It seemed unfamiliar, until the museum
Inside, it all came back to me
The history, paintings, Mr.Hughes and the caning!
One look outside, the estate was waiting!
I found my own trail and began to explore
My camera was ready and I kept finding more!
But the castle was hidden, along with both caves
I used my own compass but, wasn’t sure of the way
Then, when I found you, my dream was achieved
That sense of achievement and all I’d believed
Now, I set off with new sites to explore
But, at Blaise Castle, there will always be MORE!
One day, I’ll return, just to see you inside
I hope to bring with me a friend and our pride
After feeling a bit crap again last night and this morning (see my previous post), I decided to do something today that I’ve been wanting to do for the last few months. This wasn’t as spontaneous as it may sound. I had been thinking about it for a while and was looking forward to this day as the weather forecast was brighter than what it has been for previous weekends. One of the real reasons I hadn’t done this before today (on days where the sun has shone) was because I do honestly spend a lot of time (too much) waiting, holding out and hoping for ‘May’.
But, as you know from my previous post, I do feel as though I get mixed messages from her and, well, it hasn’t happened yet. So, instead of just ‘wasting’ so much time at home, ‘waiting’ for things to happen; I drove myself to the Blaise Castle Estate and spent a few hours there, taking photographs and exploring the grounds.