‘Make It Go Away’

I’d like to start by thanking ever one who ‘connected’ with my post on Monday (…I think it was Monday evening, anyway… I remember driving to work and wanting to stop and write it right then). To those of you who commented, liked, read and even if you just glanced over a few words… Thank you. I don’t really feel able to respond to anything (including my own words) but I have been doing better and I guess it might have helped. I’ve realised a need to be strong in the last couple of days.

Today (not long before Sunday arrives), I want to share a song with you, because I haven’t done this for a few weeks and I’m still lacking in inspiration to write. Last night, I was watching the last ever episode of Extras with my sister and this song played at least twice:

You’ve all heard it before, I’m sure. It’s a real tear-jerker for me. I didn’t know the title (which is why I’ve ‘incorrectly’ titled this post) or even that it was written and performed by Kate Bush (that seems like the kind of thing that ‘everyone’ should know…). Just the sound of her voice with those harmonies; it’s enough to wrench a few drops from my heart. Also, during the programme, there’s a moment where Ricky Gervais’ character Andy bleeds his own apologies to his friend Maggie (played by Ashley Jensen). That’s the kind of moment that sets a lump in my throat. I’m unable to take a breath as my eyes begin to swell. I don’t think I need to say any more.

I chose a version of the above song with the lyrics included in the video, just so that you could all have a read for yourselves (perhaps for the first time, like me). Whenever that song’s appeared on TV or as part of an advertisement, we only ever get a glimpse of it and a few fingers’ worth of the lyrics.

We all have moments where we just want someone to make it go away when, what really want is for someone to make it go away now… Because everything passes throughout the course of time. What goes up must come down and when you are at your lowest, there is only one other direction you can head towards from there. It’s never in doubt. It’s just a question of ‘when’.

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HNY

I can’t bring myself to say those three words at the moment so, I’m afraid you’ll have accept the acronym that at the head of this post, this evening (or, whatever time it is, where you are). If I say it, I won’t feel as though I mean it. That’s in no way a disrespect to anyone who may or may not be reading this; it’s simply my current state of mind.

All I have to keep me going until midnight.

All I have to keep me going until midnight.

I was tempted to title this ‘Happy? Not Yet‘ as I find myself ending yet another year on my own.

Those three items in the photo above are all I have to keep me going and I don’t even drink red wine!! If the contents of that bottle disappears tonight, it’ll be for the second time this year. I dislike alcohol but, I don’t know; when I feel this way and there’s an unopened Christmas gift lying around and no-one to share it with (I asked before; no-one likes red wine), I feel an urge to drink it.

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Stigma or Ingorance?

While sat in the canteen at lunchtime earlier today, I became quite agitated with the conversation that was going on behind me. A few of the over-50s (some, even, qualify for retirement) were discussing the apparent cause of what lead to the closure of the M32 motorway in Bristol, yesterday afternoon. We all heard something about the closure on the radio but, there was no reason given at the time. It wasn’t until later that evening when the real story began to break.

It turns out that there were concerns for the safety of a man on the wrong side of the railings, on top of the bridge. He was prepared and threatening to jump. Only twenty-four hours after World Suicide Prevention Day! Whatever it was, something in his life had pushed him so far, he found himself in a situation where he was prepared to end it all.

How do you think the old gits reacted to this news? What were their perceptions of the event?

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