I Know I’m Alive

In spite of recent questions and fears for my own state of person, I managed to remind myself last night (with the added reassurance of a friend’s words) that I am still alive and un-zombie-like.

If you haven’t seen the film Interstellar then I implore you to watch it.

Don’t go off watching trailers or Googling for any informations at all (unless you’re shopping)… You really do not want to risk spoiling an ounce of the experience.

Because that’s what this production is. This film is far removed from your generic ‘space adventure movie’… There are no aliens, I didn’t see any guns and, most importantly, I cannot think of any other film (including Marley and Me, here) that has made me cry and feel so much all throughout.

I know I am alive today because this music raises every hair on my body each time I listen to it. It’s now been a year since I experienced Interstellar in the cinema and I regularly relive these emotions thanks to the DVD.

By all means, listen to the music and see how you feel. But also watch the film. Embrace it, welcome it. Don’t research it. I’m sure that 99.9% of you will not regret it, if you haven’t already done so. 🙂

It’s also regarded as one of the most scientifically-accurate space films, for those of you who like your science. If you don’t feel like crying even once though, it possibly means you’re more of a man than I am… Or not? 😉

Thanks for reading.

What is Right?

I sit here, beginning to write, at a time when I should already be tucked up in bed. I’ve been wanting to share this. I’ve felt a need to take these invisible words, to set them out on a blank screen and to try and make some sense of it all. But for other commitments, I would’ve completed this a couple of hours earlier. I’m not low but I may be on the verge of falling in love.

Over the past weekend, I met someone. Our rendezvous was planned in advance; an encounter we’d been thinking of for several weeks prior. This was not borne of a dating website, although social media was involved.

I had my expectations and, to put it simply, I saw this woman as stunning in the physical form, even before we met. I assumed she’d be intelligent and, based on the manner in which we agreed to meet, it was clear that we shared at least one common love.

Over the last 2 years, I’ve been fortunate to have met several women. Some who I now consider friends; others who I’ve attained to be more. I’ve met with the social awkwardness and the comfort to be found in good company. I must admit, I had some hope for this latest greeting. Yet, in spite of all I could imagine leading up to the event; I hadn’t envisaged meeting with someone where it just felt right.

I can’t really explain it any better than that. In the past, I’ve had good feelings but I couldn’t honestly say they were mutual. I could be wrong again here. I’m not trying to say as though I’m in love with this girl. Yet, I feel as though I could so easily fall over that edge. Because I want to. I want this like I’ve never wanted anything else before.

She’s got the kind of intelligence I really value; an attribute sadly lacking from someone of whom I’ve allowed (previously) to do little more than deplete me. I’m gradually letting one kite sail away as I move on to set sail beneath skies bearing less of a storm.

At the end of it all, all she really wants is to be able to return home to a quiet life. Away from the hustle and bustle of the city. An open space with room and time to unwind. Too often, I might people who can’t live without the bright lights and ever-present noise. I feel almost as if the wind direction is changing and as though things might be about to turn in my favour… We’ve only met once but we seemed to complement each other rather well. One thing I am certain of is that we’re both keen to meet again, when it’s mutually convenient.

For the rest of the day, I carried a smile that provided previously unbeknown motivation. After arriving home, I marched soon in to a social interaction with confidence like I’d never known before… It was if a rocket was trailing from behind me! One day passes and I still hold on; I question whether my feelings are beginning to grow. By the second day and a return to my weekday ‘routine’, I’m feeling lost and very distant from the memory; my smile is now a secret. Come the next day, I just want to run in the opposite direction, in a desperate attempt to relive a moment that’s already passed.

I’m not currently in love with her and I’m filling my head with all kinds of questions and uncertainty… But I still maintain that it felt right. There’s a chance romance could one day develop. A high probability exists that we shall meet again. But I fear what will happen if I’m found out and unprepared. What if I’m wrong again?

You are the third person I’ve told; the second for whom I have shared a little more than the absolute basic details. I’d like to apologise to a friend of mine who may be reading this, as I haven’t yet told her about this… You might have an e-mail coming your way!

I’d like to end this post by sharing another Pearl Jam song. This one is by no means indicative of my mood. It’s how the music, the melody and all the chords (with a vague recollection of the lyrics) are a background tune to my regular thoughts. I admire this song, just as I can admire one woman beyond another.

Thanks and good night!

As the Mirror Reflects

First day of the week; second day in a brand-new month and it’s time for me to share the latest reflections of my mind that have come about within the last 24 hours.

 

Friendship

Friendship (Photo credit: fabbriciuse)

Sunday was EPIC, as far as achievements go. I completed an incredible challenge and left the event feeling great for that. Except, along with those feelings of elation, there existed a cloud of sorrow, sadness and missing out. A formation comparatively minute in size, yet impossible to ignore; the evident dark splodge in an otherwise celestial clear blue sky.

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Without

Last night, as I lay on my settee after wasting hours of the evening on the internet, I found myself wanting to return to write on this blog. That urge has carried throughout today but it’s taken more of an effort to get me to sit here and write this. Exactly where I want to start and how I’d like this to progress, remains unknown. I feel as though I’m lacking in so many things at the moment and inspiration is one of the. As for the rest, well, I could dip my hand in, clean off the sand and I still doubt I’d be able to decipher or interpretate it.

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Always Waiting

So, last night – I seem to begin a lot of posts while speaking in the past-tense. It seems rare that I ever seem to talk about how or where I am right now… Hmmmm.

Anyway, yesterday evening, I came to a rather shocking realisation about myself whilst lying on my settee, casually watching a DVD and contemplating. How I came to this understanding, I feel, relates to a link which a good friend of mine shared on Facebook earlier in the day, with a quote which relates to meditation and how we can find ourselves afraid to look in to the depths of the murky water once the ripples have faded and calmness is achieved. That’s certainly one reason I don’t meditate as often as I could but, I now need to get to the point of this post.

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Day One

Whenever I e-mail a friend (the ones I e-mail are the ones I’m closest to, as it’s my best way of expressing myself), I regularly forget to include subjects paragraphs (talking points, if you will). My messages can be long enough even in their incomplete state (you should know that from having read followed blog) but I realised after writing a post here, yesterday (last year, hahaha!) that I forgot to share a big thinking-point that I’d come up with during my hours of contemplation.

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