Second Attempt

Hello! How are we all?

It’s been so long since I’ve sat down to write here that it felt remarkably strange, entering my user name to log-in to this unforgotten place.

I hope the title above these words doesn’t alarm anyone as I have mostly positive points to share.

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First Step

Before I disappear to clean up and get ready to head our later for a gig I’ve been invited to this evening, I’d like to sit here and attempt to collect my thoughts on my experience during week one of the Anxiety Management course; funded by the NHS and available locally through Positive Step.

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Thought Stopping

As I sit here, preparing to write this post, I look forward with no definite plans for the day. It’s been a great weekend so far though, as I’ve managed to see all three of my close friends within less than twenty-four hours (including meeting one of them for the very first time)!

Thought Stopper Wristband

I’d like to start by talking to you about the band I’m wearing around my wrist in the photo above. I apologise that this photo isn’t perfect and you can see large marking where the lens on my phone’s camera is slightly scratched. This is known as a Thought Stopper; an item designed to help those suffering from the likes of depression and anxiety; a means of preventing the need to self-harm.

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Anxious Thought of the Day

Here’s my anxious thought for the day…

When a very close friend tells you that you’re a ‘wonderful person‘ and also, a ‘great friend‘, why is my next reaction (after feeling positively emotional) to focus and dwell on the ‘friend‘ aspect?

She is the first person I’ve known in the real world to have ever said something so kind and beautiful to me. My counsellor used to try and praise me but then, it’s kind of her job… It actually means something (and a lot more) when it comes from a person you mutually care about.

I am so grateful for her words and I hope she knows that I will always be there to support her.

As much as I’ve begun this year striving to focus on the friends-side of our relationship (as only friends), I guess I’m always going to be secretly hoping for more, with the feelings I do have.

Another friend was talking to me recently about her own situation and I kind of came to a realisation that we cannot ‘control’ our emotions and feelings, just as we cannot dictate those of other people; as much as we may feel as though we want to. Feelings of love and compassion never truly fade away or burn out, in my opinion. So, is then about acceptance and focusing on other areas?

‘Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)’ – Journey

Having just sat here and watched this video for the first time, I still can’t decide whether I should laugh or turn away until the music stops! I only really looked in to it because of something I heard Alice Cooper say on the radio the other night – something to do with Steve Perry wearing a vest… I think Alice liked the video but, I still sensed an air of sarcasm in his voice.

This song came on the radio quite late on Saturday night, as I was off on one of my head-clearing drives in to the darkness. They usually take me a good hour; anywhere between Bristol and Weston-super-Mare, sticking mostly to the A-roads for speed and fuel consumption. This time, I headed south and, there is a bit of a reason for that.

I may well have to face the reality of ‘letting go’ of someone I care about, very soon. She closed the door almost two weeks ago. I knocked once, to which she didn’t answer and, I’m afraid of ringing the bell again too soon. I fear being blamed for something I still do not understand. I’m not ready to give up but, I may have to accept that there are some things in life that go against our own judgement and views.

So, here is the song. It’s actually been one of my favourite Journey songs since I first heard it in 2009. If you have to, ignore the video and focus on the music! It’s not like any of their most ‘mainstream’ hits, I promise you. I think it’s actually a shortened version…? I thought about finding a live version instead but, even I can’t be bothered to sit through several listenings of this song. 😛

For the lyrics (for which I decided to make this post), please read on below.

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One Line Each (Writing)

It’s Wednesday night and I return to college tomorrow evening after a prolonged absence preceding half-term. So, that also means it’s homework night, being the defiant procrastinator that I am! 😛

Our initial task was to write a fictional scene of dialogue involving some form of conflict between two characters (much like a scene from Old Country for Old Men). I’ve run a couple of ideas through my head many times but have failed to get anything down on paper or, even, on the other side of the computer screen. I can’t visualise it and, despite all the spare time I’ve had to write something, it’s stressing me out too much (any stress is too much, in my opinion).

Instead, I’ve decided to attempt the ‘optional’ secondary homework and I’ll have this ready to share with the class tomorrow in less than twenty-four hours’ time…

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‘Dear Dad’ (A Letter)

This letter begins without a greeting because, let’s be honest here; when have I ever greeted to you as my ‘dad’?

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