Week 4…

I’m sat here now, having been wanting to write this post all week and yet, I feel as though it’s already been done… That’s partly because it’s been on my mind a lot (feeling a sense of ‘urgency’ and necessity, in spite of a lack of time); but also, there’s a recurrent photo theme that continues on from last week’s belated update.

Had I not just checked my home page before writing this, I would be about to tell you about how I visited Weston-super-Mare after the course on Monday night… Instead, I’m going to tell you the truth from Monday 29th July. I’ll let you know where I did go… But instead of my CBT course!

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Week 3 Review

It’s been five-days since my third week in the Self Esteem course and I apologise for the gaping delay in writing this post. For the past week, I’ve been unable to log-in for more than a few minutes… That’s been the highlight of my efforts! For the rest of the time, I’ve been unable to load a single WordPress-hosted site; whether that’s one of my own or somebody else’s. Doing a bit of search engine research this evening, I’ve discovered that it seems to be an issue with TalkTalk (perhaps also concerning customers of other UK-based ISPs). All other sites appear to be functioning fine but I’ve not been able to get on here until this evening… When I suddenly remembered that I still have a mobile broadband with 3 Mobile! 😎

Weston-super-Mud, last Monday evening.

…I just have to be careful not to download too much stuff before the end of the month. My main reason for switching back to wi-fi last week was because I received a warning text to say that I am close to my monthly 5Gb limit (so many wasted hours on YouTube…). I often wonder why I still have this thing, as it’s costing me more than £15 a month but hey, I am grateful on this one occasion! 🙂

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Back to Bed

My posting has been infrequent here lately and it’s even more rare to find a second post from me within the same day. Usually, it’s not a great sign. Or, at least, an indication that something is troubling me.

After writing my previous post this morning, I felt as though I was lying to myself. Although I didn’t write it, I wanted to try and portray the message that I was okay with having nothing to do today and no-one to see… I wasn’t. I haven’t been alright. In fact, since I woke up this morning after my most disruptive night’s sleep for several weeks, I’ve felt like bursting in to tears on several occasions. Continue reading

Blagdon Lake

It’s taken me a while to get around to sharing these photos with you, as this walk actually took place last Thursday afternoon, when I had a few hours to spare with the day off work, following my late-morning appointment with Positive Step.

Blagdon Lake in Somerset

My ankle had been hurting for around two weeks up until and including this day. In fact, it’s been giving more grief still throughout this week. I was unsure about doing a walk but then, I decided it was too cold to stay indoors without putting the heating on and not warm enough to get involved with another hobby so, I ventured out for one of the shorter walks from the book titled 8 Wild Walks Across the Mendip Hills.

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Home Is Where the Hiking Is (or Was)

It’s been almost twenty-four hours since I last had anything to eat and I don’t think I managed more than two-hours worth of sleep last night. I left work yesterday feeling ‘a bit ill’ and not-right, before I found myself sat on the toilet and, well, I’ll spare you the details! Needless to say, it’s leave me feeling very weak and ‘hurty’ (like a flu bug) and, as I’m not feeling much better today, it looks like I’ll have to pass on the planned group walk this evening.


At least now, I have a chance to sit down and write about the walk I went on last Sunday. There aren’t many photos to share but I’ll try to keep you entertained.

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Thoughts on Depression

I was talking the mum about many things the other evening and, in my attempt to be completely honest with people from this year on; I began by telling her that I only needed her to listen when I talk. That her opinion or advice is not something I am asking for and that some things she said before Christmas only made me feel guilty. She took this well and so, the conversation went on and lasted for some time.

Mum told me about the first time she had seen me ‘like this’ and that was over a decade ago, when I was secretly skipping lessons during my A-Levels at school. This merged in to days before transforming in to weeks. I still don’t know how I got away with it for so long or, to be honest, why I ever did it. I can remember being home the day my mum answered a call from the Head of Sixth Form… I think I was supposed to be in one that day yet, I was hidden upstairs in my room. Maybe even lying in bed; listening and waiting.

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Over the Bridge

Last night, at 10pm, I found that I was struggling to cope with the severe boredom. Two more hours until the year would finally end and my waiting would be over. I don’t know why I bother trying to stay up for it when I don’t even want to switch the TV on to see the celebrations elsewhere.

So, I made a decision to go out for a drive somewhere. To pass the time and to distract my mind from other things.


I want to try and ‘get away’ from it all, while still hoping that I would be able to see or hear some of the excitement that others were experiencing. I didn’t want to disappear in to the countryside (it was too dark and wet) and settled on an idea to visit the Clifton Suspension Bridge.

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