I could pick out one of several friendships from my childhood and, even, one or two acquaintances I’ve made through work. For whatever reason, people seem to disappear from my life once that common ‘thing’ (work, college, etc.) has ended. It doesn’t matter how I may feel about them as a friend and, how much I may wish to stay in touch; it never seems to happen.
Even re-connecting with people through Facebook doesn’t make any difference.
Day 9 – Someone I Didn’t Want to Let Go, But Just Drifted
I was drying my hair a little while ago after taking a shower, when the thought came back to me about a recurring dream I often have. It’s not something I often remember as soon as I wake up but, the memory comes to me some time after.
In these dreams, I find myself in a situation (usually at work, as I remember) where I’m still dressed in my dressing gown and slippers (I have some clothes on underneath, don’t worry!). At some point during the dream (they don’t seem to be very long), I come to the embarrassing realisation that everyone around me has already gotten themselves dressed. Where as, I’m still in my ‘morning’ look, struggling with the physical nature of the job because of what I’m wearing.
What on Earth could it mean?
When I was at school (which I didn’t always enjoy), I used to experience similar dreams quite frequently. On other days, I might have forgotten my shoes. Worst of all is when I have nothing below the waist and I’m constantly trying and struggling to stretch my shirt.
But, there isn’t a situation in any of these dreams where someone points and laughs. Nobody seems to notice.
Maybe I should bring this up in counselling as well? It could be part of the social anxiety deep within my subconscious, I guess.
Flicking through the pages, there’s another piece of my ‘short-writing’ that I’d like to share with you right now. The afternoon is passing quickly and my thoughts are already turning to waking up at 6am (usually sooner), ready for another depressing day at work, starting at 7am. I hate the day-job I have now, about as much as I’ve hated every other; each one for different reasons.
What I hate most of all though, is that I don’t ever seem to do anything on a weekend. I went out to see family yesterday afternoon but, I’ve spent most of today lying in bed, listening to music. I could blame the rain but, it’s not really the weather’s fault. I’m like this every Sunday; living the same old routine, without actually ‘living’, or so it feels.
Life should be about balance, I believe – and, that is something I do not have right now.