Dear U

For six-months now, I’ve been wondering. Unknowing. Unable to receive a response. It was only while talking to someone else about their own problems recently that I realised I could to my writing, in an effort to restore order and peace to my mind. If only for a short while.

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A Letter: Dear Husband

This post is the release of words I’m holding on to. A truth I feel a need to be shared. A good friend recently encouraged me to question the necessity of sharing these secrets with one individual but as each days go on, I feel that urge, burning on the back of my neck. It feels as if the right time is approaching. I see it as an means of drawing a conclusion to what is an ever-complex situation I find myself in.

For now, I write here, anonymously, in the hope of achieving containment.

Dear Husband,

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Affirmations

It’s been another long time since my previous post and I’d like to begin by wishing a warm and Merry Christmas to everyone who happens upon this post! 🙂 Oh, and I also wish you the very best of success for 2015!

A friend of mine often writes about inner critics (of course, she’s not the only one) and I’m no stranger to effects of self-destruction and low-lying self-esteem.

For while now [to put that in to perspective – I think I first entertained this thought sometime before my last post!], I’ve had it in mind to re-assume writing down my thoughts and until very recently, I’ve been brilliant at creating every excuse not to do this… Then, last week, I finally bought myself a notebook and over the weekend, I grabbed a spare pen to place ink on the first page!

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Final Draft

It does concern me a little, in that I’m beginning to write here a little more regularly than I have done. But I don’t feel the same ‘need’ to unleash waves of negativity and sorrow, as I have done at times in the past. Writing the post last night reminded me that this does help, as some of my blurred thoughts (or at least, their intensity) began to subside. I was able to begin the day in a better frame of mind.

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Slowing Down

I can feel myself coming to this blog more frequently to write simply about things that concern me within my own life. Yet, I feel less inclined to write in-depth about subjects such as depression or anxiety. I’m not wishing to signify that I am ‘recovered’ in any way. I just intend to be able to write about things in general that I am not comfortable sharing with everyone else.

Image courtesy of a Google search.

 

Today, I’m writing about issues regarding my own speech, which appears to have deteriorated gradually over the last ten-years. I stutter, slur, stammer and stumble a lot more than I have ever known. As a writer, I’m more confident, clear and coherent. It may be another symptom of social anxiety and my general fear of people but I realised recently that I often feel a ‘need’ to speak a certain way; to force myself to sound upbeat and happy.

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Warning: I Will Reply

I was thinking of sharing a song with you this evening, as I haven’t had much inspiration to write anything new here lately and I do intend to keep things running on some kind of a regular basis. This afternoon, I developed thoughts of writing about how I’m doing at the moment – I’m not struggling but I seem to be exhausting myself with some form of intention. But now, I’ve decided to write about an e-mailing habit I have with friends and acquaintances. I’m not writing this to be critical of anyone singular or collectively, as I fear it could be misinterpreted in such a way. This is about a ‘problem’ I see within myself and I’m currently wondering what I can do here to help myself.

A long e-mail – image courtesy of a Google search.

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Dream: ‘Can You Hear Me?’

Today’s post isn’t so much about the dream I had last night, but more so the ‘experience‘ I felt immediately afterwards. Details of the dream (I actually fell asleep and woke up several times during the night) are extremely vague in my mind now…

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